Long Horned Pillicock
by eQuasarus
Summary: [One-Shot] Summer prior to 6th year, everyone wants out of Grimmauld Place because of the heat and Tonks takes them down to the local pool. [PHGE Monthly Challenge fic 08.2004]


Long Horned Pillicocks

• eQuasarus •

**Disclaimer:** Such a shame it isn't mine. Would've been different by my design.

**Summary:** Monthly challenge for the yahoo-group pinkhairgreeneyes (Harry/Tonks) link is on my bio for those interested. Summer prior to 6th year, everyone wants out of Grimmauld Place because of the heat and Tonks takes them down to the local pool. Requires the phrases "Maybe I should wear what Tonks is wearing." and "Sweet Merlin, Harry."

**Author Notes: **Well, this took a few hours to write and it's unbeta'd so I'd appreciate it if someone went ahead and corrected the errors and sent it back to me. So read, review, let me know if you like or don't like it.

•

"Cripes," Tonks said as she turned the corner to almost get run over by a very pissed off Harry. She could tell from the flash of his eyes that it probably would be best if she didn't do anything.

But then, this was Tonks. As she turned around to head back up the stairs, she caught the loose end of the rug and was thrown off balance, toppling over, and landing directly on Harry.

"Bloody Hell!" Harry screamed, shoving her away, and tromping up the stairs ignoring the pleas of apology.

Tonks, feeling extremely sorry and slightly bruised from the shove, caught sight of a head peaking out of the doorway down the hall. She fell over immediately in surprise, she'd never seen Severus so... _confused. _It took years away from his standard git look and almost made him seem _normal_.

Something must have showed on her face because the confused looked morphed into a sneer and then the face disappeared again. Tonks shook her head trying to understand how she ever could have thought Severus could _ever_ be nice.

After she finally made it to her feet she walked down the hall, careful to avoid everything that had a chance of causing her to fall again. She didn't like seeing Harry hurt or angry, and she was going to get to the bottom of it and see if she could help him out. If it was Severus' fault he was going to get a good smack if not a few curses when he had his back turned.

Harry'd been missing all day, she was even looking for him earlier to see if he wanted to get out, maybe talk about Sirius... or other things. Maybe she could convince him to do something more _creative_ with his anger. When she'd seen Molly earlier she'd been informed that he'd gone with Kingsley to go and get his school supplies, a chance for him to get away from everyone.

Tonks felt disappointed that she hadn't been the one to take him, she was the one that understood it best. Well, in some corner of her mind she was happy that it hadn't worked, she needed to see what she could do about it. Just as long as her temper didn't flare up – she'd been having difficulties with that lately. So it seemed, had Harry.

In the room Tonks was confronted with a strange scene. Albus had his head buried in his hands, and it almost sounded as if he was crying. She'd never seen him cry, she'd never even seen him without a smile or a straight face. The man was almost as bad as Severus. Severus however chose a sour face instead of a smile, which was a huge difference.

"What the hell did you do to him!" she said before she could stop herself.

Severus started to say something, but Albus' hand rose, and he closed his mouth without continuing. Tonks could see the anger that he was venting and she was almost sure it was her imagination, seeing him confused earlier.

"I think..." Albus sighed, wiping his face with a rag that he had in his hand. He looked old, almost decrepit, he'd been looking more and more like that lately. "That he needs to get out for a while longer, it's sweltering hot in here and it's not helping him think clearly."

"Not my problem," Tonks said, narrowing her eyes. He was getting worse at avoiding questions. "You could cool this house down in an instant with a cooling charm. What did you do?" she demanded, bent on getting a straight answer.

"Harry turned sixteen today as you no doubt know, and unfortunately some of his inheritance has been forcefully pushed upon him. I did not feel he was ready..." he paused for a second, but Tonks already understood. The Potter's fortune wasn't quite up to par with the Malfoy's, but they had other things that the Malfoy's didn't have because they were such an old family. Tonks knew what one of them was. The Wizengamot council, he was responsible to take his place among them.

If Harry had just found this out, that he was going to have to deal with Fudge and a dozen other stupid politicians... but maybe that wasn't the problem. "Did you ask him to give it up?" she asked curiously.

Dumbledore's look was enough to confirm the tiny suspicion she'd had. He'd asked him to give up the seat so that they could fill it with someone more appropriate – and to Harry that would mean that they didn't trust him enough after everything he'd been through.

Yeah, Harry needed to get out right now, and so did she or she was going to do something to Albus, something she'd regret later on.

The Weasley twins were standing at the door of Harry's room, leaning forward over something in their hands. They seemed to be trying to do something odd, and Tonks had a sneaking suspicion it was with one of the listening devices that she'd heard about, extending ears. They seemed to be having little success in getting them to work though.

"Hello boys!" she said loudly, giving away the fact they were there, doing what they did best. Both jumped forward, startled, striking each other in the head.

When they stood, both rubbed their heads, twisted grins on their face. "...'lo Tonks," Fred said. "Nice day isn't it?"

"Too bloody hot if you ask me," she said, shoving past them and knocking on Harry's door. "Harry I want to talk to you," she said loudly, not even trying to hide what had happened.

"Leave me alone," he yelled from the other side of the door.

Not daring to ask again, Tonks used her wand to open the door, giving the twins a scathing look before slipping in and locking it behind her. Turning, she flicked her wand, putting a silencing spell on the door and hoping that'd be enough. She didn't want any to hear what she was about to do.

Looking at Harry, who looked like a child throwing a tantrum, she closed her eyes and focused – she was going to do something about this and it wasn't going to be nice. Waving her wand a third time a mass of ice water suddenly appeared above Harry.

The scream that followed made Tonks flinch. "Serves you right," she said as best as possible. "I don't deserve to have you yelling and shouting at me, I didn't do anything wrong. If I had an inkling of what he would have asked you I would have been shouting at him too."

When she got a good look at the doused Harry she stopped for a second. He looked like a wet dog, and his eyes were showing serious pain, she understood that. What got her the most was that his fists were clinched together so tightly that blood was running from the palms.

Tonks gasped. "Sweet Merlin Harry."

Walking forward she offered him a heartfelt hug, only to be pushed away. "Leave me alone," he muttered futilely, but she could hear tears on the edge of his voice.

She nodded acceptance, but didn't give up. "I think we should go for a walk," she said quietly. "Maybe to the park."

Harry shook his head, and she winced. She approached again, being pushed away, but not as hard. When she finally got her arms around him he felt stiff as a board, showing no emotions at all.

Finally he reacted, no longer playing emotionless, he leaned forward into her, starting to cry. Tonks held him close, her eyes closed, feeling him touch her. It was erotic even though he was in a bad mood. It had been ever so long since she'd been with someone... When she finally pulled away, slowly, her shirt was wet from tears.

"There's a pool down the street, I'm sure we could find something small enough to keep us both cool."

Harry stiffened again at the thought. Tonks knew he would, even if he was good at burying himself, he was still a 16 year old boy, or soon to be, and his emotions were not the only thing that went up and down.

"It's alright Harry," she said. "Let's just go out and be kids. Get on a pair of shorts for the swimming. I'll go get permission."

Nodding, Harry turned to his trunk and Tonks glanced at him before leaving the room.

She ran into Luna Lovegood before she even made it to the stairs, she was walking along dottily, watching below. Tonks smiled when she realized that she was watching a particular redhead. "Hello Tonks," she said slowly, not even bothering to look up at her.

"Luna," Tonks responded. She was quite used to how Luna acted, she'd been there most of the summer. The Death Eaters had attacked her house the day she'd returned from school, likely because of the story that had been printed in The Quibbler.

Her father was still under guard at Saint Mungo's Hospital, having been injured while protecting his daughter. Luckily enough the Order members had shown up in time to save everyone. His injuries weren't life threatening either, they just took a great deal of time to heal.

"Have you revealed your feelings to Ron yet?" Tonks asked.

"Have you revealed your feelings to Harry yet?" Luna retorted, nonplussed.

Tonks didn't react visibly, but she cursed herself for being so obvious about it. She'd always had this crush on him and had been trying to make him see it since the moment they'd met. Harry, however, seemed to be the most oblivious boy she knew. Even if he could fight the dark lord he knew absolutely nothing about women.

"I think I will in a little while," she said finally, making a resolution right then to tell him.

"Why not now?" Luna asked.

"Well I was going to take him down to the pool..."

"We can all go!" Luna said, much more energetic than usual. "I can tell Ron too."

She skipped off without saying another word and Tonks groaned, she'd wanted to just go with Harry.

It was almost an hour later when everyone was mulling together at the door, ready to go out and go swimming. Tonks tried to keep from getting angry, she should have excepted this and been more careful about what she said.

Albus simply nodded when she'd asked permission, of course it probably was a better idea that they take them all together, safety in numbers. "Keep your wands hidden in your towels," Tonks announced, watching Harry shrink in the shadows. Hermione and Ron where next to him, but they weren't saying anything, they knew that Harry wasn't in a good mood and that it was best not to say anything.

Remus had already headed to the pool alone, to make sure everything was alright. He'd clean up the place if no one was around. Tonks hoped that if people were around he'd clear them out so that she wouldn't have to deal with them.

The march was slow and animated, with the exception of Harry, who was silent the entire time. Tonks was sure she caught him glancing her way at least once, and she smirked, hoping he was thinking the same thing she was thinking about him. His shorts were a little baggy, and so was his shirt, but she was used to him looking like that, he always wore muggle clothing larger than his proper size.

"I could fix those for you," Tonks offered as she realized exactly how big the shorts where on him. The baggy shirt had covered up the waist, where the shorts had been doubled over in several spots to keep them from bunching together.

"They're fine," Harry snapped. Tonks, not willing to let him be an asshole, grabbed his ear and dragged him away from the group.

"You listen to me," she hissed. Then, noticing everyone else was slowing she glared at them. "Get moving, Remus is there, he'll make sure everything's alright."

The group sort of shuffled for a second, not sure what to do until she growled, which got them moving.

"You can be mad at Dumbledore, Snape and whoever the hell you feel like being angry with, but I'm sorry for earlier. I'm sorry you're dealing with life as an adult before you need to. I'm sorry that everyone treats you like a little kid. However _I _have done nothing but try to be nice to you since we met, I didn't coddle you, or treat you like a kid and I certainly didn't jump your bone like I wanted to – I treated you like I would treat any other adult. Treat me like an equal and don't give me shit because you're angry off at someone else."

Harry looked up at her, mouth agape. "You wanted to jump my bone?" he said aloud and then covered his mouth. Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny and Luna (who'd been allowed to visit for a couple of days) all stopped again.

Hermione turned, her face bright red, looking at Harry and then to Tonks. Ron was glaring, and Luna was smiling sensibly, Ginny glared as well. Tonks was beginning to think it was a Weasley trait until she saw the grins on Fred and George's faces. "Needs something to take his mind off what's going on." They said in synch.

Ron wasn't sure how to respond until he was shoved ahead by the twins, who were herding everyone on to the pool, which was only beyond the next house.

Hermione stopped, removing her shorts and jumping in the pool immediately trying to get the thoughts that had sprung into her mind to go away. She didn't usually think like that.

"Merlin's Beard," Ron hissed, as she came up from the chilly water. "I can't believe Tonks told him that."

Hermione didn't respond, she'd heard everything that had happened at the headquarters. You hear a lot of things when you're reading, very few people seem to see you. She'd only been in the next room when the whole thing had happened, starting with Harry's return from Diagon Alley and Gringotts, where he'd received the information about his family's inheritance. The conversation hadn't been whispered, not by a long-shot.

After last year she knew to let Harry cool down before approaching him, something Tonks had obviously not picked up on. She really hated that Tonks seemed to take such an interest in Harry.

Near Hermione, Ginny sat down and pulled off her shirt, Hermione winced when she noticed how pale Ginny was. Fred and George grinned and approached, shielding their eyes as if something bright was shining from Ginny's direction.

"We were wondering," Fred said.

"If you were planning on blinding everyone here," George continued jokingly.

Growling Ginny leapt at them and both took off at a quick pace, not wanting to be too close to her. She wasn't allowed to do magic strictly speaking, but they weren't going to rely on that.

Ginny looked over to Luna who was looking at her with a sort of wonder. "You are white," she said simply, reaching out as if wondering if it was an illusion. Ginny didn't pull away as Luna touched her, but she gave her a scathing look.

Glancing at Tonks and Harry, who had finally approached, looking a good deal cozier than Ginny would have liked to see, she sighed. "I wish I could look like her," she said to Luna. She knew she was becoming a woman, but she hated to wait for it, Harry wasn't looking towards the future and what someone _would_ look like, he was looking at Tonks right now, who looked very good.

"_She _could look like you," Luna pointed slowly. "And then you'd look like her."

Ginny shook her head, not even bothering to respond, she'd gotten used to such strange comments like that. Luna simply didn't get what she'd meant by the comment, even if Luna was her friend she wasn't quite normal – not that there was anything wrong with her, it simply meant that sometimes things had to be explained a bit differently to her.

Watching carefully she noticed Tonks pull something out of her bag, handed it to Harry and then pull off her shirt and shorts. Ginny gasped as she saw what Tonks was wearing. "I can't believe she can look like that," she uttered to no one specific. "She's so... perfect."

Soon after Ginny got more depressed when Harry started to pour out the bottle he'd been given. Ginny wondered if that was what had given Tonks such a perfect tan and felt jealous that it was Tonks that was getting Harry to cover her in the tanning potion.

"Maybe I should wear what Tonks is wearing," she said to herself. If Tonks could get such a beautiful tan with it then she might too – she'd have to ask her later on what it was, after Harry had gone.

"I'm sure she'll share," Luna said dreamily glancing away from Harry and staring at the others, all of them floating in the pool. "And Harry could even put it on for you too. I'm sure he'd do it, he's nice to everyone."

Startled at the comment Ginny looked to Luna who was as innocent as ever, not even having an inkling of how much Ginny was wishing for that exact thing.

"No," Ginny said stumbling, but Luna had already taken several steps forward.

"Harry," Luna said a little louder than normal. "Ginny would like some of that on her too, if it's alright with Tonks."

Ginny grimaced as Harry looked up, seeing her attempt to stop Luna from talking. He said something to Tonks who nodded. "It's alright with her," he said back, loud enough that it carried clearly. His mood seemed to have changed a great deal in the past five minutes, he even had a smile.

Turning bright red Ginny looked over to see all three of her brothers grinning broadly at her. Hermione didn't look at all happy about it though and pulled herself out of the pool near Harry.

"Would it be alright if you do me to?" she asked quickly.

Harry shrugged, after the kiss he'd received from Tonks and the promise of more he didn't care _what_ he did, he was in a great mood. All three of the Weasley boys looked at Harry with a sort of admiration, but didn't get out of the pool. Harry wasn't sure why they'd given him the look; he was just putting on suntan lotion.

Tonks moved her head, looking at Hermione in her peripheral vision. "You're going to need something a little more risqué than that if you want to have a good tan," she said, and then sat up as Harry's hands moved up to her shoulder. She shuddered, wondering if she might be able to sneak off with Harry – but pushing away the thought. With her luck Snape would show up to check on them the moment they were out of sight.

Remus had approached them while they were outside the pool, giving Tonks a mixed look, she knew he didn't really approve her wanting to have a relationship with him, but he wasn't going to fight her about it. He told her he'd cleaned up the pool for them and that he'd be scouting the area, and not staying with them at the pool. Tonks knew he was very careful about his appearance – the werewolf in him had likely done some changes to his physical appearance since he was bitten so young.

She wasn't worried about him showing up though, he'd keep a good eye out for strangers and make sure that they were left alone. He was quite good at a task he was given.

"How about we go get you _changed_," Tonks said, motioning to the small room that served as the restroom and changing room. No one else was at the pool, but Tonks wasn't going to do magic in broad daylight should someone decide to come. She looked over to Ginny and then grinned. "We'll get you changed too," she said.

Luna wandered over next to Ginny and Tonks put her hand on her shoulder. "Up for getting a tan today as well?"

Shaking her head Luna looked around. "You can never tell when a Long Horned Pillicock will show up," she said. "They like to come out and intrude on people, especially when they're doing things in less than modest clothing."

Tonks snickered; she'd heard that tale when she was a kid too. Apparently Luna hadn't figured out what it meant.

With a coy smile she reached backwards, to where Harry stood, running her hands seductively across the front of his shorts. "I think we've already had one come out today... a big one." Harry pulled away, but Tonks had a pretty good hold on his newly transfigured shorts – he wasn't getting away. Besides, she was pretty sure that he wouldn't want to now; he'd be quite the spectacle to everyone else when they saw what had come up. "Don't worry," she continued. "I don't think this one's come out for you."

Luna looked around nervously, trying to locate the so called Long Horned Pillicock, but saw nothing unusual. "Don't worry about it," Tonks continued, letting go of Harry and leaving him thoroughly startled, and beat red.

When they returned Harry was much calmer, for about three seconds. All of the boys had been teasing him about hiding behind the chairs until they saw the door open. Now they stood, mouth agape, as four women in nothing more than strings exited the room. Luna looked slightly ruffled and was staring at Harry with her mouth slightly open.

"Hey Ron," Harry whispered. "What's a Long Horned Pillicock?"

From the snorts behind him, Harry had a good idea that the twins had some idea of what it was. He'd certainly never heard of it and the way Luna was looking at him... Ron didn't say anything and when Harry turned to him he could see that it was Ron's turn to turn red. "Harry, I'll tell you later, when we're alone."

Hermione lay down. "Going to get use that on me?" she asked expectantly and Harry had a sudden mind numbing moment when he realized that while Hermione was his best friend she was also a _woman_ and not a girl.

"I'm waiting," Hermione said, looking at him with a huff. When he kneeled down next to her unsure of what to do she spoke again. "Well... put the potion on me."

Remembering that he had the vial in his hand that Tonks had given him, he nodded and dumped some of the thick potion on Hermione. Tonks leaned down behind him. "Oil her up, we'll see if she can call out that Long Horned Pillicock again," she whispered in his ear and Harry froze. He strained to think about something other than the thoughts that had begun parading through his mind.

"You know Ginny," Tonks said, running a hand across Harry's back. "It's probably best if you get wet first, makes the potion work better."

Harry's ears started to turn red, he hadn't missed the suggestiveness of the comment. "I was already nice and wet," Tonks continued, but in his ear. Harry shivered and thought about exactly what had gone on when they'd been left alone and the promise that had been made.

"Almost done," Tonks whispered and Harry realized that she was right – that he was almost rubbing the potion all over Hermione. "Hermione, time to turn over, give Harry a chance to put it on your front."

Hermione complied, trying to keep herself focused as Harry's hands moved up her legs again. She managed to do little more than shiver. She'd been listening to Tonks as well, and at first had been appalled at how lewd Tonks had acted, but now it was turning her on and caused her to get lost in thoughts.

Ginny hadn't jumped in the pool but she was sitting on the chair beyond Hermione looking at Harry with a wicked smile as he adjusted himself again trying to not make it apparent how uncomfortable he was.

"You can't wear that," Ron said, finally finding his voice – directing to Ginny.

"Ron," Tonks snapped, turning on him and releasing Harry from the teasing he'd been enduring as she rubbed herself against his back seductively. "Go lather up Luna, she didn't ask Harry to do it, and he's still got Ginny on the list, so give Luna a go."

"What about us?" the twins asked astonished at Tonks.

"Play with yourselves," Tonks replied impishly, "surely you can do that. Your girlfriends wouldn't be happy about you helping out Hermione or I with our problem anyway, and I'm sure you don't want to deal with your sister."

•


End file.
